Run to You
by Selwyn
Summary: Buffy turns to Spike for answers and he decides to end it for once and for all


Run to you

TITLE: Run to You, 1/1   
AUTHOR: Charlie/Selwyn29 in collaboration with Falco  
EMAIL: selwyn29@ntlworld.com  
DISCLAIMER: They're not mine, they're Joss's, I'm just making them feel better.  

PAIRING: B/A   
TIMELINE: Takes place kind of before "Once More with Feeling" after "Billy"

SPOILERS: Very little  
SYNOPSIS: Buffy comes to Spike for help, and he's determined that this will be the last time.

FEEDBACK: I live off it J   
RATING:  R-13

DEDICATION:   To Trammie for once again doing a fantastic job of Beta reading for me!  You're a star luv!  And to Falco, for doing her first Beta reading for me and ending up contributing some fantastic parts to the story.  Love ya sweetie.

NOTES:  Buffy uses artistic licence on the first verse of the song, hence the wrong lyrics.  

NOTE2:  Before you read, close your eyes and now open then again – there we go, no Darla, no baby, no Buffy/Spike sex J

He watched her from his vantage point, sitting on the edge of his bed, cigarette in his hand.  She paced up and down the solid stone floors of his crypt, so intent, so fast, he could almost see the ridges beginning to appear underneath her feet as she wore away at the surface.

She'd been here for close to an hour now, her small arms clutching her frame, muttering to herself as she walked, sometimes shouting questions at him, then pacing on, not waiting for an answer.  He didn't even bother to give her one, he just sat and watched over her, every now and again taking a drag.

Buffy walked across the room one more time, reaching the metal gate at the end and swinging round to repeat the journey in the opposite direction.

"Why did they bring me back?"  She asked no-one.  "How could they do this?"  

"I just go through the motions, day after day.  Doing what people tell me, what people want me to do.  I slay, I patrol, I look after Dawn.  I do everything for everyone else, but I don't do anything for me."  Her eyes were brimming with tears, frightened, scared, lost tears.  "But I don't want to do anything for me.  Cause if I did I'd have to think about me, and what I want, what I need and what I am.  And I just don't know anymore."

"Why don't I feel anything."  She screamed at Spike.  She ran over to him, punching him full force in the face.

"Why am I empty inside?  Is this how you feel, is this void death?  Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life feeling like this?"

Spike pulled himself up off the bed in one fluid motion and grabbed her by the wrists.  All the crying and the pacing had weakened her a little and he was able to hold on to her with little resistance.

"Firstly, you're not going to relieve stress by fighting something that can't fight back."  He said, sternly, looking into the Slayer's eyes.

"Secondly, I'm dead, I'm not god, I may have delusions of grandeur at times but I'm not the head honcho here, I can't answer your questions.  I want to pet, but I can't"

Buffy's demeanour visibly crumpled in front of him, but she didn't cry, she'd never cried properly in front of him.  In fact, Spike would bet kittens that she hadn't cried since she had been back.

"You need to do something, go see someone.  You can't keep on coming here, and talking to me about it, like it doesn't matter, like all the problems go away when you leave this crypt.  Just because everything is dead in here, doesn't mean things don't exist."  Spike resisted the urge to pull her into his arms, like he used to do with Dru when she was upset.  Pull her towards him and throw her onto the bed like a rag doll, ripping and tearing at her clothing, making her scream and squeal in pain and delight.  He shook the thoughts out of his head.  This wasn't Dru, this was the Slayer, and something wasn't right, much as he would like to, he couldn't.

"Haven't the Scoobies come up with any ideas?"  He asked.

Buffy shook her head.  "They don't know, I haven't told them any of this, they think everything is fine."

"Whereas everything is far from being fine."  Spike finished.  "I don't know what to suggest, pet."  He said, bringing a hand up to touch her face.  She flinched slightly, possibly from the coldness of his skin, but more likely for the memories of his sire that it stirred within her.  He brought his hand down, letting her wrists fall to her sides.

As soon as Spike released her Buffy folded her arms across her body once again and looked up at him. 

"Find someone for me, find someone who can help, who can tell me what is happening.  There must be someone in the demon world."

He gave a short mirthless laugh.

"Bloody hell Slayer, you don't ask much do you.  I can't think of anyone who can help with this.  If there was someone, they would have to be a strong empath or something like that….."  

Spike 's voice trailed off and he paused for a second, remembering something, thinking. It would mean risking a lot to take her there, he may not have much of her now but he might loose her completely if he took her there. He looked at her small, pain filled face for a moment.   Then he reached across his bed and grabbed his duster, slung it on, dug his keys out of his pocket and started out of the crypt.  At the gateway he looked back at Buffy, still standing in the middle of the room.

"Are you coming or not?"

She looked up at him, and made her way to the door.

"Where are we going?"  She asked.

"A little bar I've heard about."  Spike answered as he led the way across the cemetery towards his motorbike.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

The small, recently refurbished bar was quite full, but not too full.  A chaos demon was standing on the small stage, microphone in his hand.  A small monitor in front of him, spewed out lyrics to the song he was currently singing.  The clientele were sitting staring in amazement at the stage as the massive monster was singing Kermit's 'Rainbow Connection' in the sweetest, softest voice anyone had ever heard from anything that big.  

Lorne leant against the counter, watching his newest employee working away down the other end of the bar. Watching was the perfect word for it, as his eyes never strayed from the handsome new member of staff.

"Dan, sweetheart, rustle me up a Manhattan will you, I feel a caper coming on."  He called out.  Seconds later a cocktail glass was nestled next to the sleeve of his blue suit, he reached across himself and lifted it into the air.  Toasting the chaos demon who was finishing his song on a rousing vibrato, and then taking that first delicious sip.  As he lifted the glass up his eyes were drawn to the couple who entered the club.  It was the girl who struck him.  She was only a slight thing, small frame, bundled up in a leather jacket that looked far too big for her and creased like it had only just been brought out of storage.  Her hair was flying loose behind her head, slightly frizzy, she looked like she had come on a motorbike.  She was a stunning young girl, but he saw stunning women, and men, everyday, there was just something about this one, something.  But he never had chance to work out what it was because the girl's blonde companion flew across the room at the Chaos demon who was just receiving his loud and raucous rounds of applause for his turn.  Everything happened at once, the Chaos Demon stumbled back and fell onto another table, the blonde hit an invisible forcefield and was repelled backwards.  The girl just stood there in the midst of all this chaos, her green eyes staring at nothing in the centre of the room.  The blonde man picked himself up and walked over to the girl. Shrugging the leather coat he wore back into place he motioning to her to move towards a table.    

"Damn sanctuary spells, these places have.  What's the point in having a bar if you can't brawl."  He grumbled.   

Lorne put his glass down on the bar and moved towards them. 

"You actually have a bar left at the end of the night, that's the point."  He said as reached them.  

"Can we help you?"   

The blonde, a Brit by the sound of him, looked at Lorne speculativly for a heartbeat or two. 

"It's her that needs the help."  He said pointing at the dishevelled girl. 

She raised her head and gave him a look of disgust. 

"Yeah, like I'm the one who's just randomly attacked a Chaos demon because my ex-lover left me for one."  She snapped, making them the first words Lorne had ever heard her speak.  

Lorne looked at the miss-matched pair in front of him, there was clearly a history between them, and not a happy one.  

"At least Dru left me for a reason."  Spike retaliated.  

The girl opened her mouth to respond and Lorne thought it best to intervene.   

"A girl who knows her demons," he said, before another argument broke out,  "that's not something you see every day."  She glanced at him for the first time.     

"I guess I'm not your average girl."  She replied.

"Hot damn, even I've noticed that."  The host laughed.  Then he saw the look on her face, she was pushing off such conflicting emotions that her aura was screaming at him.    

"So what can I do to help?"  He asked gently.

"The short story?"  Buffy asked.  "I died, went to heaven, got brought back, and now I'm like the Commander Data of this world, no feelings, no emotions, no nothing and I want to know why."    

Lorne pressed his lips together in sympathy, this girl had been through way too much grief for one so young.   

"One day, I would love to hear the long version of that. Sweetie" He smiled at her, "but right now, lets see what we can find out."  

He walked quickly back towards the bar and reached down behind it, retrieving a large ring bound book and carrying it back to them .  

" Pick your demon."  He said, holding it out to Buffy.

Buffy took the book off him, but her confused eyes never left his.

Spike nudged her.

"You have to pick a song."  He said.

"Me?"  She asked.  "I have to sing?"

Lorne watched the two before him.  He couldn't quite work them out.  That mans jacket the girl wore was far too broad shouldered to belong to the punked out Brit, but the way she clutched it to her indicated it was important to her.  Ther was some connection between these two but it obviously wasn't 'romantic'! The Brit seemed to have conflicting feelings for the girl, hatred and love were boiling within him.  Lorne concentrated deeper on the blonde man, and then something within him gave a clue.  He was a vampire.  But not just any vampire.  Ever pore of this one screamed Angel.  Lorne couldn't quite work it out, but he knew they were somehow connected.  Interesting!  Angels childer were usually trouble!  He turned his attention back to the girl, she was absent mindly flicking through the book in her hands, but not paying any real attention.  No emotions, she had said, but they were flooding off her in waves, anger, fear, loneliness, confusion, so many emotions it was making his head spin.

"I can't sing" she muttered irritably, " Spike, this was a stupid idea!" She glared at the Blonde vamp, snapping the book shut.

"Oh, angel, anyone can sing."  Lorne said.  Buffy looked at him for a moment, recognition in her eyes.  Lorne had no idea what had made him call her that, it had just come to him.  He saw she was weakening. 

"Come on, how about some Whitney."  He coaxed.  

The girl continued to look uncertain but turned to her companion, Spike just looked at her and shrugged. 

"Worth a try Pet!"  The girl tossed her head, and straightened her shoulders.  

"This had better work."  She said, and stomped off towards the stage.

Spike and Lorne exchanged looks before the vampire headed for a seat at a table round the corner from the door and ordered a whiskey from the waiter.

Buffy stood in the glaring lights of the stage, her eyes wrinkled up against the sheer brightness.  She looked even more lost, like she wasn't used to the light.  She seemed to clutch the jacket around her a little more, as if it would protect her.  The opening bars of the music she had chosen swelled around the darkened room, and she opened her mouth and the softest harmony came out.  She had only begun the first line of the song when Lorne shouted Dan to bring the telephone over to him.  He quickly punched in a number as she continued singing.  It rang for three rings and then was picked up.

"Angel"  The voice answered.

"Sweetcakes, I need you."  Lorne replied.  "Not that I haven't dreamt of saying that phrase to you, but at this moment in time I really, really need you."

"Lorne?  What's wrong."

"Some demons have overcome the sanctuary spell at Caritas, they are wrecking the place, looking for you.  You already owe me decorating expenses for the last time."

Angel was silent on the end of the line.  Lorne thought quickly, he picked his manhattan glass up and dropped in on the floor making a resounding smashing noise which shocked most of the club into silence, including Buffy.  He reached out his leg and kicked over a table with glasses on it, creating more noise and motioned for the barstaff to do the same with another table.

"We're about 5 blocks away, we'll be there as fast as we can."  Angel replied and hung up.

Lorne put the phone down and then turned round to face the stunned looks on the audience and Buffy.

"Sorry, ever so clumsy of me.  Let's take it from the top shall we?"  He asked and motioned for one of the barman to run the music again.  Buffy took another deep breath and listened as the introduction began, then once more she began to sing.  Quietly at first, but as she fell into the song, her voice grew more confident.  It was never going to be the most heavenly of voices but her emotions spoke volumes through the words.

Hoo hoo hoo hoo  
I know that when they look at me  
There's so much that they just don't see  
But if they would only take the time  
I know in my heart they'd find  
Oh, a girl who's scared sometimes  
Who isn't always strong, can't they see the hurt in me?  
I feel so all alone

Lorne watched as she closed her eyes, homing in on some inside force, and felt the need and longing pour off her.

I wanna run to you hoo hoo  
I wanna run to you hoo hoo hoo  
Won't you hold me in your arms  
And keep me safe from harm?  
I wanna run to you hoo hoo  
But if I come to you hoo hoo hoo hoo  
Tell me will you stay or will you run away

He watched the stairs closely and saw Angel and the rest of the Fang Gang come running down the stairs, weapons in hand.  Angel hit the bottom first and came out into the club.  Buffy was still standing in the centre of the stage, eyes tightly shut.  He saw Angel's face register complete shock as he saw her standing there.  Lorne walked over to him and grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him into a darkened corner away from the stage.

Cordelia walked down into the bar.

"Buffy?"  She began to shriek, but was swiftly shushed by Wesley who had seen the exchange between Lorne and Angel.  

"I don't think there is any trouble here tonight."  He said, quietly trying to explain.

"There's always trouble where Buffy and Angel are involved."  Cordelia muttered to herself.

Angel was about to open his mouth to say something, when Lorne place a finger over his own lips and motioned to the stage.

Each day, each day I play the role  
Of someone always in control  
But at night, I come home and turn the key  
There's nobody there, no-one cares for me  
Oh, what's the sense  
Of trying hard to find your dreams  
without someone to share it with  
Tell me what does it mean

I wanna run to you hoo hoo  
I wanna run to you hoo hoo hoo  
Won't you hold me in your arms  
And keep me safe from harm?  
I wanna run to you hoo hoo  
But if I come to you hoo hoo hoo hoo  
Tell me will you stay or will you run away

Lorne watched Angel as he was transfixed on the girl on the stage, listening to every word she spoke.  His hands were clenched tightly by his sides, the knuckles turning almost white.  Lorne leant over and whispered to him.

"Your redemption is to save souls.  But you forgot to save the one most important to you."

Angel turned round and looked at him, tears forming in his eyes.

"She's always been a part of you, and she always will.  Your love for one another doesn't make you weak, doesn't put the other in danger, it makes you stronger.  You need one another and neither of you can question that anymore."  

Angel shook his head. 

"You don't understand, you don't know!  I've tried before, it only causes us pain, you don't know what it cost me to leave her the last time but she needs a normal life."

Lorne tuted in disgust. 

"You are her life Angelcakes, just as she is yours.  Can you honestly deny that she is the first thing you think of when you wake, and the last thing you think of before you sleep?"

Angel just looked at him, and then looked up at the small figure on the stage.  As his gaze fell on her once more, Buffy felt that familiar tingle inside herself grow stronger, she had felt it earlier but just dismissed it as demons being close, but now it was there again and stronger.  He was there, she could feel him.  It was like her soul had broken free to cry out to him and he had come.  She opened her eyes wide and found him in the crowd, she drank in the sight of him before her.  Tears formed as she sang the final verse.  To her, everyone in the place had left and there was only him, he was the only audience she needed, the only one who needed to hear how she felt.

Run away no  
I need you here  
I need you here to wipe away my tears  
To kiss away my fears  
If you only knew, how much I wanna run to you

I wanna run to you hoo hoo  
I wanna run to you hoo hoo hoo  
Won't you hold me in your arms  
And keep me safe from harm?  
I wanna run to you hoo hoo  
But if I come to you hoo hoo hoo hoo  
Tell me will you stay or will you run away

As the last cords of the song died away she placed the microphone down on the stand and slowly moved off the stage.  She walked across the bar, past the table where Spike sat watching, past Wesley, Gunn, Fred and Cordelia, across to the counter where Lorne stood with Angel.  She walked up to the Host.

"So?"  She asked.

"You don't need me to answer that for you."  He replied.  "You just needed to be able to say the words."  He stepped away a little, leaving them alone.

Angel just stared at the woman in front of him.  She was even more beautiful now than she had been when he had last seen her.  He memorised every line and every curve so he could replay it in his dreams.  

"I bared my soul."  She said, through her tears.  "I think I deserve an answer."

Angel looked at her once more, pausing for a moment.  Then he reached a hand up and touched her cheek gently.  This time she didn't flinch or turn away.

"You've always been safe.  I'd never let anything harm you."  He said.

"But it hurts so much inside."

"I thought we were doing the right thing."  He replied.  "I'm sorry."

"We're strong for everyone else Angel, we look after them and make sure no harm comes to them.  I don't want to be strong anymore.  I need you, I'm empty inside, and I can't go on without you."

She reached up and placed her hand against his.

"Kiss me."  She whispered, lifting her lips up to his.  He hesitated for a moment, drawing in a deep breath and the scent of her, but then he succumbed and gently brushed his lips against hers.  The first kiss was fleeting, unsure, but then their lips met again, the passion and longing over-spilling.  Her arms snaked up around his neck and his clasped around her waist pulling her small body up against his.  They pulled away from one another, both slightly breathless.

"This is dangerous territory."  Angel said.

"Don't worry, I'll protect you."  Buffy replied and pulled him against her, capturing his lips.  He kissed her gently and then rested his forehead against hers.

"I love you."  He said.

"I know."

Spike watched as his sire and the Slayer walked out of the club hand in hand.  They seemed oblivious to everyone around them, but a twisted smile crept across his face as he noticed Buffy mouthing the words, 'Thank You' at him as she left.  He had heard about this place through the grapevine of demons, about the Host who could read people's emotions.  Ever since she had walked into the crypt wearing that jacket, the one that reeked of his sire, he had known that she was a lost cause, that there was only one person who could reach her and who could help her.  He hated the fact that he had lost out to his sire once again, but he knew she was happy, and if you loved someone, that's all you can ask for.  He stalked over to the bar and ordered a bottle of whiskey, pulled the cork out with his teeth and threw some down his throat.  Now, he'd show them, see what they thought of his emotions as he took to the stage to the opening bars of the Sex Pistols and 'My Way'.

Feedback – let me know what you think

Back to Main Page


End file.
